Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Randomize
