We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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