if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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