woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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