so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This house was built for laser tag.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
