I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
