Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just threw up on my dentist
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
