Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
