no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
someone owes me an orgasm
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
