i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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