Well apparently he's into motor boating.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
