There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
