why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
