Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The ass gains better be worth it
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