New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
