we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
