I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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