I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
