He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I forget how to act sober
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
