I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
