i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
