Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
