Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
