if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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