Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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