The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
