I'm gonna have a badass scar
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
