Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
