We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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