I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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