his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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