Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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