is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
did i walk over a car last night?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
