He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
