It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
