Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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