Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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