I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am one with the molecules
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drunk is not a location!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize