Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
