eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
