It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
