You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
