I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
