I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
