we're blogging at a bar
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wear drunk well.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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