Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
