I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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