You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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