i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
