If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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