My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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