And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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