im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
