The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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