I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
