Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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