I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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